STRANDOMS: the stray and random thoughts
March 29,2020
Prof. S. Ramkumar
Education
Find the father !
One of the most difficult things to attempt in life is to jot on the thoughts of mother and father after our mid-age. Rather than nouns, they are un-explainable adjectives of infinite care and love, impossible to recreate in full with available letters. However, I thought to try few lines on the universality of the concept of “father”; though it varies subjectively with very personal, fond, glum and glow moments. I preferred to deduce the thoughts of a father since I too am living that role! Those who have their fathers around, live up to them. Others can understand that the father lives with them. Our thoughts and deeds to a great extend are his contributions. And he guides you for the good.
My father used to tell me how his father shared with him that “fatherhood” is something that needs to be experienced. Like a river, wherein water flows only towards one side, love and affection which flows from father(parents!) to children can be experienced, when the children turns to be parents, and it goes on. This realization naturally takes time. Though we feel we love the parents, the incessant, unlimited and selfless stream of love to children is the experience of parenthood that can be given over only to our children.
As a child I remember my father was very busy with his job (as a teacher, professor and Dean/Director in colleges and Universities) and social commitments, but has always filled presence at home even if not physically. Similarly I have/had the opportunity of knowing the parents of my students for over three decades now. The pulse and feelings of fathers (parents) are universal. They may have a job or jobless; rich or poor; black or white; had schooling or not – whatever they maybe, universally for their children they are amazingly abound with “guided love”- the guide in them sometimes makes the child difficult to accept the father when he turns tough!
I have been, as a child seeing a serious father. He was not unfriendly and had been like many fathers of that generation where-in parents were parents (nothing less or more!). In case I needed anything- to play, go out, buy those extra crackers for Diwali, go for a movie (very rarely) I had to reach him through my mother.
In the present day “father generation” wherein I too belong, parents aspire to be considered as friends by their children. Nothing bad in that though. Parents (especially father) has a role of making children realize the “value” of anything by keeping it short of abundance! The beauty of life is the enjoyment of satisfaction with the limited. It teaches the value of non-materialistic, realistic way of living in a society with “limited taking” and “unlimited giving” to the world around us. The present day sees large number of parents unsatisfied with the facilities of luxury they can provide to their child.
Father (and mother) are the irreplaceable role models of a child at home, which further expands to a wider world of many. The conscious and subconscious learning as children, live through us, and is passed on to our children and others too!
We have different impressions (or smileys!) of father over the ages through which we grow; kid, child, in school and colleges. The impressions could be that he was loving, serious, tough, angry, happy, worried etc. towards us and many. The children grow to adults to explore that there is finally only one expression of a father that glows in their mind- the one of a “guided love”. As a child, teenager or youth I haven’t had the time to think or priority of thinking of the influence of father on me. Later, as like many, I understood the inimitable, filling and the omnipresent role of a father in every moment of life. That’s when we are seasoned to look into and understand the worth of fathering. When I look back, I realize that he has molded us along with many. He had a role of a caretaker to create a useful citizen for many, not for him alone!
The finest moments are those you can talk (or chat!) with your father, which usually happens when wisdom sets in. And try opening the memory treasure in the hold of the yesteryears. It will be interesting, educative and directional if we could plot instances of moments in life with father and reflect on why did he do or say so?
“Father” is a fantasy that a child can live up to as (s)he would love to. The values and beliefs that we hold on in life to a great extent are shaped by him (of course along with the mother!).