STRANDOMS: the stray and random thoughts
March 29,2020
Prof. S. Ramkumar
Lifestyle
The cell phone in the family: creating congeniality
As cell phones become integral part of everyday life the nature of interactions between individuals undergo changes. This is more evident and intense in a family unit under a home. The quintessence of “listening, sharing and caring” - the foundation bricks of family - are also getting influenced by this technology. Some thoughts on few situations which are becoming common in families are shared. Accordingly a new order of Family is evolving. Creating congeniality is about responsible use of cell phones in a family, and adjusting to the use of cell phone by another member.
The setting is a family in a home. A relationship that sustains is built on “listening, sharing and caring”.
The advent of technology has ensured that a cell phone or TV is an active added member of the family taking off the time from personal notations between members, shifting largely to impersonal notations. People drive two wheelers in busy streets with the phone sandwiched between their ear and shoulder, as if the acrobatics is an unavoidable emergency , but for which existence is in peril! That’s an attitude. Beware of the same attitude in a different nature which seeps into homes too!
Two decades back it was the common TV which was viewed in common , who was the added member in a family. In one way it used to pull the members around the TV, though choices of programmes slowly crept as an issue. With more channels coming up, the idea has turned disruptive making more TVs to enter a home.
Now every member has an added member in the family- the cell phone or the smart phone. As a one point edutainment tool it is stunning the mass by its potential of omnipresence.
What difference does it make or can make in a family?
The personal bonds between husband, wife, children and grandparents are quite important. They are experienced through the personal notations of emotions. They strengthen the trust and cohesion among members. Whether its smiling, laughing or shouting you are sure to have a response on the other side (non-responding is also a response!). With the active presence of the third techno-member (the cell phone), the nature of these responses is changing. Each member is attached to the appendage of the smart phone and work-stations mushroom inside a home. Sometimes the family members in a room sit, chat or talk on the phone, often without communicating or not-so-effectively communicating between themselves. This would sometimes create a complexity among the receiver of the communication, (whoever it is). (S)he may not be getting the responses as it should have been. This results in annoying, worry, anxiety… for the other family member(s).
The tech invasion
Some common situations in a present day home wherein tech-member puts the knotty knots.
- A dialogue between husband and wife/ or child and parents .
Wife: “I told you”.
Husband: “No, you didn’t tell me”.:
Probably (s)he would have told! But the person who received (or not received) the message would have been in the virtual world with the tech-member and would have not “listened’ actively.
If this dialogue is extended with explanations and counters, its not going to be congenial. The tech-member (the cell phone) has the final laugh!
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- Prayer at home which used to be in a serene subtle and silent environment (irrespective of religions!) has now sounds amidst. We need to start learning to pray amidst the sounds of music from a Radio or TV around.
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- “I forgot”
Many commitments to self, family and society gets slipped when we dive deep into the virtual world of “friends”, “likes”, ‘shares”, ‘images’ and “videos” which gushes incessantly in a cell phone. A cell phone is a battle ground of facts and fictions. This virtual world should be conscientiously connected so as not to be deceived! Involvement with the cell phone should not grow out as a reason for forgetting many routine commitments.
The requirements of a day-to-day management get sunk in the excessive attention to tech-member. Repetitive “I forgot” is not congenial from the perspective of “other’ member(s ) of the family. Over a period of time this can lead to a lighter degree of insensitivity which can affect the “caring, sharing, and listening” factors of a home.
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- Food connects a family. Whoever cooks its important that the elements of pleasant emotions are also added as ingredients to the food prepared in a home. For this (s) needs to spend time sparing the cell-phone while cooking and serving. Imagine 20 years back before the tech invasion mothers or grandmothers cooked, served and persuaded you to have more food. This “heart in food’ is losing its shine with the advent of the tech-members. (the discussion on swiggy and zomato is Not Applicable here!)
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- Children enter into a world of amazing games and other programmes in phone. They continue to get connected with their games, while eating, drinking, running, meeting people.. and so on. All these activities get sidelined since the mind of the child is in the activity based on cell phone. They tend to do all these to satisfy the elders and this affects the quality of personal interactions with individuals and the right way of having food.
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- The other way round: the elders may get involved in TV and intensively with the cell phone, the quality time spend with the children comes down. They like the children to learn (or do works like homework) as fast as possible so that they can get back to the “virtual connected world” at the earliest. These results in eagerness and impatience in some elders/parents to see what they want. They want children to do things in their terms. The personal notations start changing!
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- Like computers changed the function of an office system, smart phones are turning as game changers in the family. It’s good as far as we are aware of this so that family relations in future are not entirely built upon the availability or functioning of smart phones.
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The fast advent of technologies over last few decades has created a present mix (segments) of generation from a technology perspective. The heterogeneous segmented generation (Gen) in the present day consists of google/smart phone Gen, Pre Google/cell phone Gen, MTV Gen, Doordarshan Gen, Pre TV Gen, Radio Gen, …Expectations of interactions of different segments could be largely different. Positioning of congeniality is often based on the types of segments which interact. The “right “ and “wrong” has different definitions within and between “segments”.
The opportunities of a cell phone is like that of a “Genie” let free. As far we know and control the Genie its fine; if Genie starts controlling us we will be shortly seeing a new family order and society, which many of us may comment as not congenial.
The personal space of “listening, sharing and caring” should never be allowed to be purchased by a technology. Creating congenitally for family is a responsibility to preserve the order and function of a family for the future.